The Twelve Days of Knitmas...er...I mean Christmas!

On the first day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
A ball winder and a nice swift.

On the second day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
2 knitting needles
And a ball winder and a nice swift.

On the third day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
3 pairs of scissors,
2 knitting needles,
And a ball winder and a nice swift.

On the fourth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
4 stitch holders,
3 pairs of scissors,
2 knitting needles,
And a ball winder and a nice swift.

On the fifth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
5 double points!
4 stitch holders,
3 pairs of scissors,
2 knitting needles,
And a ball winder and a nice swift.

On the sixth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
6 yarn bras,
5 double points!
4 stitch holders,
3 pairs of scissors,
2 knitting needles,
And a ball winder and a nice swift.

On the seventh day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
7 tapestry needles,
6 yarn bras,
5 double points!
4 stitch holders,
3 pairs of scissors,
2 knitting needles,
And a ball winder and a nice swift.

On the eighth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
8 knitting bobbins,
7 tapestry needles,
6 yarn bras,
5 double points!
4 stitch holders,
3 pairs of scissors,
2 knitting needles,
And a ball winder and a nice swift.

On the ninth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
9 circular needles,
8 knitting bobbins,
7 tapestry needles,
6 yarn bras,
5 double points!
4 stitch holders,
3 pairs of scissors,
2 knitting needles,
And a ball winder and a nice swift.

On the tenth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
10 knitting markers,
9 circular needles,
8 knitting bobbins,
7 tapestry needles,
6 yarn bras,
5 double points!
4 stitch holders,
3 pairs of scissors,
2 knitting needles,
And a ball winder and a nice swift.

On the eleventh day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
11 blocking wires,
10 knitting markers,
9 circular needles,
8 knitting bobbins,
7 tapestry needles,
6 yarn bras,
5 double points!
4 stitch holders,
3 pairs of scissors,
2 knitting needles,
And a ball winder and a nice swift.

On the twelfth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
12 hanks of yarn
With a pattern for a sweater for HIM!
(this sung as the first first is sung)

(dramatic pause)

On the day after Christmas I got a new true love!
And now I am knitting for me!

Copyright 2002 Janine Tinklenberg Knitting guilds may use this in newsletters freely if I can have a copy and it may be sung indiscriminately by anyone and everyone without fear of reprisals (except, perhaps, from those who are listening.

Elsie's Amazing Stash

Elsie bought a ball of yarn and put it in a box,
Because she thought some day that she might knit a pair of socks.
Then Elsie found another ball that she liked even more.
She bought that one and so the box held two yarn balls in store.

But Elsie forgot about the yarn until a stormy day
When knitting socks beside the fire seemed enticing as the way
To best spend time and so she went and looked into the box
But as she lifted up the lid, she shouted out in shock.

For there were not two but twenty or more balls of yarn in there.
Where did they come from?
She did not know, and frankly, did not care.

Elise knits beside the fire and has so many socks,
That she gives them away and has never to pay
For yarn to put in her box.

Elsie always makes sure that those first two balls
Stay inside that container.
Obviously they breed and they don't need feed.
As pets, they are a no-brainer!

by Janine Tinklenberg. Permission is granted to knitting guilds to reprint this in their newsletters as long as I get a copy and am properly attributed.

'Twas Two Days Before Christmas

'Twas two days before Christmas
And from store to yarn store
Went a poor worn-out knitter
Who was searching for more
Bright red Plymouth EncoreTo finish a sweater.
"If I can't find this yarn,
"I don't know what I'll get her!
"She's already got"A George Foreman grill
"And she's not at all handy,
"So no cordless drill!
"The tired knitter thought,
"I can't make it a vest!
"It's got raglan sleeves!
"Good gosh, I feel stressed!
"Why didn't I get extra!
"I only need one!
"Oh, if only I'd bought more
"Before I'd begun!"
The knitter went in
The last store in the book,
A quaint little shop,
But at least worth a look.
When, what to his wondering eyes should appear,
But a wall full of Encore
From the front to the rear!
They had pumpkin and eggplant,
Chartreuse and raspberry,
Pink, white, green, and purple,
Brown, rust, and cranberry.
From the very top shelf,
To the bottom display,
He saw every color
From coal black to dark grey.
He let out a gasp.
He leapt forward with glee
And he searched for the red yarn
Until he could see
Tucked down in the back
In one last little spot
A skein of red Encore
In the exact same dyelot.
It was the last skein
That they had on the shelf
And he laughed when he saw it
In spite of himself.
He shouted for joy.
His delight knew no bounds
And soon his small house
Was alive with the sounds
Of his needles a' clickin'
As he finished his work,
Sewed, blocked, and wrapped it
Then turned with a jerk
And finding a pen,
And a tag and a bow,
He thoughtfully fingered
His beard, white as snow.
Then, taking the pen,He wrote, "Hugs & Kisses!
Merry Christmas from Santa
To my dear little missus!"

Copyright 1999 by Janine Tinklenberg. Permission is granted to knittingguilds to reprint this in their newsletters as long as I get a copy and am properly attributed.

Stash Siren Song

I'm fluffy, I'm springy, I'm lovely to see,
As soon as you can, don't you want to knit me?
Knit me, oh, knit me, I'm waiting in line,
Just think of the wonderful sweater divine
That my strands would turn into if only you would!
Oh, knit me, oh knit me, you know that you should!
Forget that old thing you are working on now!
As soon as you wear it, you'll look like a cow!
But in the sweater I'll make, you'll look thin as can be!
Oh, knit me, oh knit me, oh won't you knit me?
For all of this time I've been down in your stash,
For me you paid lots of your good hard earned cash,
It's a shame that I'm here just a wastin' away
When you could be knitting me every day!
Forget that old scarf, throw that dishcloth aside,
That vest is a dozer, it looks like it died!
You don't like the color, it ain't the right size!
But by knitting with me you would prove yourself wise!
Just think of the fun, just think of the glee,
If you knit me, oh knit me, oh won't you knit me?
And if you knit me, oh, I swear that's not all,
There won't be a knot in the whole gol durned ball!
The sweater won't pill, it won't shrink in the wash,
What more could you ask, oh what more, oh my gosh!
My color won't crock, it won't bleed on your shirt,
And though you fall in the mud, it won't show any dirt!
And if you should die when it you are wearing,
You will go straight to heaven, your needles a-bearing,
Because, up in heaven, the angels all knit,
And if you knit me, then with them you will sit!
Just think of the heavenly welcome there'll be!
Oh, knit me, oh knit me, oh won't you knit me?

© 2001 by Janine Tinklenberg.This poem may be used in knitting guild newsletters freely as long as my name appears and I get a copy of the newsletter.

Death by Knitting or Ode to Stephanie Pearl (not Purl)

As she surveyed her Christmas list
(For gifting, not for getting),
Her family started a knitting pool
So they could run the betting.
Would she finish her knitting this year?
The tension ran quite high.
All walked softly as they passed,
So they wouldn’t get poked in the eye
By her needles going clickety-clack.
Wool fluff filled the air,
Whirled in clouds about her head
And settled everywhere.
She started looking hollow-eyed,
She started getting thin,
Still, she kept a-knitting on
With a weird and manic grin.
Socks for mamma, a hat for Ted,
Gloves for Auntie Sue.
All far more than twenty
Knitting thirty years could do.
She finished her knitting on Christmas Eve,
Long after all were in bed.
But when they all got up that morn
They found her lying dead!
Yarn and needles were clutched in her hands.
The mortician left them there,
And so she was buried, wrapped in the shawl
She meant to give to Claire.
“Why did she do ‘IT’?!” her family wailed,
“She knit her life away!”
“Oh, is that knitting?” A friend remarked,
“I thought it was crochet!”

© 2002 by Janine Tinklenberg.This poem may be used in knitting guild newsletters freely as long as my name appears and I get a copy of the newsletter.